A Paralyzed World and a Paralyzed Face

Well, this much is true: no one saw any of this coming.  Even back in April I don’t think any of us thought the world would still be such a mess.  I mean really, can you really believe I’m writing about this?  About a worldwide pandemic that has totally (yet hopefully temporarily) changed life as we know it?

And theatre!  Poor theatre!  You are one of the most hardest hit.  Without group gatherings you cannot exist.  I’m so sorry this is happening to you, to the actors, to the musicians and writers and directors and crew; to the shows that spent years and years in development only to have to close before getting a chance to run. The list of people affected is endless.

So how does this all affect me? Well, in terms of Brilliant, they actually postponed the festival until next August so in that sense I’m very lucky (originally they had postponed it to the same weekend of Alex’s Bat Mitzvah in February if you can believe it).  But have I even thought about the show or worked on it in the last few months?  The answer is no.  Covid has affected me in more ways than one.

On June 20th (I’ll remember the date clearly because it was the day before Avery’s 17th birthday and Father’s Day) I ended up in the hospital.  I was there for four days and was diagnosed with Ramsey Hunt Syndrome.  RHS is a complication you get from the Shingles Virus.   With RHS, you have inflammation of the 5th, 7th, and 8th nerve which causes amongst other things Face Paralysis on half your face and a loss of balance; a sort of constant vertigo amongst other things.  It also makes you struggle with executive functioning and memory.  Leave it to say I’m  physically and mentally a different person than I was a few months ago.

Because of all of this I just don’t know what I’m going to do about the show.  I really don’t.  It all seems very overwhelming to me now.  My days are slower and it’s difficult to concentrate on such a large project.  I haven’t even begun to try to work on it yet.  And with the world and things as they are it makes me even reevaluate if I WANT to continue working on it.  Do i want to expose my family, my son, in this way so publicly?  I don’t know.  If I really think it can help other people, than yes.  But I’m not yet sure if it’s worth it.

So that’s it for now.  It’s been a long, weird spring and summer.  Two seasons in quarantine.  School is supposed to start in a few weeks, but we will see what that looks like.  My son is virtual all day but one.  My daughter goes to one of the only schools that is actually returning live.  There’s so much that went on this summer and so little at the same time.  I guess family time was the one great positive of all of it.  Months straight of family dinners with all three kids, something I was surely thankful for.

So let’s try to end this on a positive note. Let’s send some hope out into my world.  Here’s to hoping the world can get back to normal in a years time.  Here’s to hoping my children can manage their way through this awful situation and get through school.  Here’s to hoping we have a new president before my next entry.  Here’s to hoping I don’t give up on Brilliant.  Here’s to hoping  Broadway will shine its lights once again.  And here’s to hoping when all of this happens, I’m smiling.


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